Almost Normal
by leiasky
Summary: After Miranda, River is doing better and has returned to being the bratty sister she had been before she’d gone to the Academy. SimonKaylee
1. Chapter 1

Title: Almost Normal

Rating: PG -13

Synopsis: After Miranda, River is doing better and has returned to being the bratty sister she had been before she'd gone to the Academy.

Pairing: Simon/Kaylee

Timeframe: Takes place a few months after the movie, _Serenity_.

Disclaimer: This story is not meant to infringe on the copyright of any person or company related to the trademarked characters and situations depicted in the _Serenity_ movie or _Firefly_ series. I make no money from this. OnIy done for fun - and a desperate craving to have more stories told about this wonderful 'verse Joss Whedon created.

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**Almost Normal **

**Part I **

For the first time since the deaths of Book and Wash, the crew of Serenity sat in the common room, laughing and joking, telling stories of those they had left behind.

Even Zoe broke a smile as Mal, drunk though he may have been, told most of the stories of how Zoe had hated Wash from the moment he'd set foot on board. That he slurred his words and tried to act all indignant when he talked about how Wash and Zoe had been married without his permission, only made the telling more amusing to the rest of the crew.

Wash's dino's lined the table, posed into different positions by an excited River who acted out some of their former owners more daring exploits. She was the only one not drinking. Overprotective big brother had put his foot down on her parade. She wasn't of legal age yet. She wasn't allowed to drink. But she'd gotten over her annoyance. She'd get Simon back – in her own amusing way.

Jayne guffawed and took another swig of – whatever it is they were drinking. He was far more intoxicated than anyone else but he didn't care and neither did anyone else. It was good and there was a lot of it. He even laughed right along with everyone else, much to Simon's clear annoyance, when the story of Canton was repeated for the benefit of those who had not been there to see the good doctor's first fumbled attempts at living the life of a criminal. Lucky his pretty fits had made him look the part of a wealthy buyer, 'cause his mouth coulda and shoulda, given them all away. Of course, when Jayne had begun his song, everyone winced and took many more sips of their alcohol to drown out the disturbing sound. River had been re-filling mugs all evening, Jayne's moreso than anyone else's.

Kaylee leaned heavily back against Simon's chest, taking another drink from her mug with two hands, not trusting herself. If she spilled it all over Simon's pretty clothes, there'd be hell to pay. But they were both drunk, unlikely that he'd remember it in the morning anyway. And – she had her ways of making him forget the bad things.

Mal sat on the floor, Inara perched like a delicate queen in the chair beside him. She was less inebriated and so was Mal, truth be told. He shot Inara a _when did this happen_ glance at Simon and Kaylee as the young mechanic laughed at something River had done with the dino's and then leaned heavily against Simon.

Inara's eyes sparkled but she didn't answer. She'd known exactly when the younger couple had finally taken the next step toward being more than friends. Even if Kaylee hadn't come to talk to her about it, she'd have known by the excited look in the young mechanic's eyes, the subtle changes in how the couple interacted with one another. Inara knew Mal had been busy, burying himself in work while trying to get _Serenity_ back into the air, but she doubted he'd missed the not so subtle clues in the change in Simon and Kaylee's relationship. Inara mused with a slight chuckle that the Captain just didn't want to see what was going on right before his eyes.

When some of Jayne's drink sloshed out of his mug and wet his shirt, Zoe stood, glancing down at him with a raised eyebrow. "On that note, I think its time I turned in, Sir. I don't want to be here when that," she glanced down at Jayne, chuckling into his mug, "comes back up."

Simon made a face and slurred, "that was an image I didn't need."

Kaylee lolled her head back onto his shoulder and kissed his neck, causing his booze addled mind forget all about that disgusting image.

"I ain't cleanin' up after 'em." Mal stared at Jayne, carefully avoiding the sight of the increasingly amorous Kaylee.

"Wa?" Jayne rolled his head, bloodshot eyes and all, toward Mal. "Jus' savin' some for later's all." He took another swig and a wide satisfied smile passed across his face. "Why is almost as good as sex."

Simon choked on his drink and rolled his eyes, not going to be the one to verbally disagree.

But Kaylee giggled madly, grabbed Simon's free arm and wrapped it tightly around her waist. "Not even close, Jayne!"

Jayne humpfed into his mug. "So says someone who's getting' it regular-like."

"Too regular," River muttered, her voice nearly inaudible.

"Yes," Zoe glanced around the room, holding back an amused smile. "Good time for bed."

River glanced up at her and gestured to the dinosaurs. "I'll take good care of them and put them back."

After Zoe had made her quick getaway, Kaylee stood, swaying dangerously over the big bottle of alcohol still left on the table. "I agree is time for bed!" She bent over, carefully concentrating on holding her mug between two unsteady hands, and deposited it onto the table without so much as a tiny spill. "See, I'm not drunk!" she exclaimed excitedly as she stared down at Simon, who appeared on the verge of reaching out to steady her. Instead, she grasped at his closest hand and tried to pull him to his feet. "An I needs some help."

Jayne laughed. "He ain't gonna be any help to ya t'night, lil Kaylee. Get him in bed, he'll be face down unconscious."

Simon stared at Jayne with an amused eyebrow and said, with remarkably few slurred words. "So says the man-ape who can't even manage to sit upright." Simon allowed Kaylee to pull him to his feet after he'd set his own mug onto the table.

"To bed then!" Kaylee squealed a little too excitedly. "Night River, Cap'n, 'Nara."

"Hey!" Jayne looked up from his mug, his head swaying. "Wa 'bout me?"

"Night Jayne," Simon said with a smirk and a wink which just made Jayne groan loudly and take another swig out of his nearly empty mug.

Kaylee dragged Simon off toward the passenger bunks, carefully, Inara noticed, avoiding Mal's stares. She reached down and patted his head, attempting not to be overly excited about the feel of his soft hair against her fingers.

"When'd _they_ happen?" he finally asked after Simon and Kaylee had disappeared.

Inara laughed. "Seriously, Mal. You have a blind spot where those two are concerned."

"Two weeks, three days, ten hours, twenty-two minutes," River said, still amusing herself with Wash's dinosaurs.

Jayne stared cross-eyed at the girl and even Inara raised an amused eyebrow at River's apparent knowledge of all things concerning her brother's relationship with Kaylee. River simply smiled and re-filled Jayne's mug.

"Why, thank you. I wanted to know _exactly_ when!" Mal shook his head before he tried to think back to exactly where they'd been at that time.

"You did ask," River said calmly, a hint of a smile on her lips.

"I didn't _really_ need to know!"

"Yes you did."

"I agree," Inara added with a decidedly un-Companion-like giggle.

Mal stared at River. "Not surprised _you_ know." He turned to Inara, swaying slightly. "And _you_ knew?"

"Don't forget me," Jayne called from his place on the floor, where he was currently looking for a dino that River had purposely knocked off the table. It was right in front of his face, but as drunk as he was, kept reaching for the fifth one he saw, instead of the first. "Ah ha!" he crowed proudly when he grasped the dino and slammed it feet first onto the table. He turned to Mal. "How could ya _not_ know those two been ruttin' like monkey's in –"

"Young, impressionable girl not even old enough to drink, sitting here," River droned, amusing herself by tossing another plastic toy off the table to see if Jayne would attempt to fetch it.

Mal detected a hint of bitterness in his lil' albatross' voice. He'd been there for Simon's declaration about River not being allowed to drink tonight. But the image Jayne's words had conjured in his mind was too much to ignore and he groaned in disgust. "Permanently seared that image into my brain, thank you, Jayne."

"Welcome." Jayne reached for the elusive triceratops and fell face first onto the floor.

River cocked her head and regarded him with amusement. "Took long enough."

"You're evil, River." Inara stood, her eyes dancing. "You've been working on getting him to pass out all evening."

"No." River stood and began gathering up all of the half-filled mugs. She placed them in precarious positions all over Jayne's body. She even included Wash's dinosaurs, one floating in a half-filled mug only its head visible over the rim, two right in front of Jayne's face, so he'd see them when he first opened his eyes. When she stood back to survey her work, she grinned at Inara. "_This_ is evil."

Inara laughed, her delighted voice carrying through the ship.

After hearing the beautiful sound, Mal had to struggle to look annoyed. "I am _not_ cleaning up the mess he makes when he wakes up and those spill all over him!"

"Zoe may never forgive you for tainting Wash's toys."

"Wash would have done the same. Am keeping his memory alive." River smiled down her creation then glanced toward the passenger bunks. "Now, for annoying brother."

Inara's eyes widened as River stalked off toward the passenger dorms. "Oh, River, I don't think that's a good –"

River turned around and stated matter-of-factly, "they're done. Sleeping now."

Mal choked as he pushed himself to his fee, torn between stopping the crazy girl and wanting to watch what she was going to do to her uptight brother.

Inara and Mal followed quietly, watching with great interest as River slid open the door Simon had forgotten to lock. They stood far enough out of the way, but could easily see into the room as River gathered every bit of their haphazardly discarded clothes and deposited them into Simon's suitcase.

Inara stifled a giggle as River then gathered ever piece of clothing Simon owned, including wash towels resting in a small cupboard under the sink, and stuffed them all into the suitcase.

Mal stared at his sleeping medic and mechanic, still confused, or denying, as to how he'd missed this rather large change in their relationship.

Inara's gaze shot back and forth between River and Mal and she smiled when she noticed him watching the sleeping couple with a look she would consider akin to envy. Simon's arms were wrapped protectively around Kaylee, and his face was buried in her neck. A loving embrace if she'd ever seen one.

Mal and Inara's attention was drawn to River when she stood over the bed, clearly contemplating how to remove the covers without waking them. They saw her frown and then turn away, bringing the suitcase outside with her. She set it down and slid the door shut, a devious smile on her lips.

"Won't tell me I can't do something next time," River whispered and proceeded to take the suitcase away where Simon wouldn't easily be able to locate it.

"Remind me never to get on her bad side," Mal said quietly as they stared after the determined girl.

Inara agreed as she moved to the bunk next to Simon's. At Mal's questioning look, she grinned. "I don't plan to miss any of the excitement tomorrow."

Mal glanced at Simon's door, down the hall that led to the common room, and at the bunk Inara had chosen to spend the night. "I do believe I agree." He moved to the other unused bunk and slid open the door. "Goodnight, Inara."

Inara's eyes twinkled as she stepped into the room, "Goodnight Mal."

TBC


	2. Part II

**Part II**

Simon inhaled deeply as the alarm sounded above his head, informing him it was time to get up. He groaned and reached up to annoyingly swat at the offending piece of luh suh. He was too comfortable, too warm, and had an armful of beautiful Kaylee to cuddle. He wasn't ready to get out of bed yet.

Kaylee stretched sleepily against him and he leaned down to press a kiss to her exposed neck. He nuzzled the soft skin for a few minutes, letting the intoxicating scent of her and the feel of her slim body pressed against his fill his every thought.

As his eyes fluttered closed, Kaylee muttered something and tightened his arm around her waist. He smiled against the back of her neck and pulled her more solidly against him.

"Not ready ta get up yet," Kaylee yawned and tilted her head so that his lips slid along the smooth skin.

"Good," Simon whispered as his mouth continued to gently move along her neck, finally stopping to press a lingering kiss beneath her ear.

As Kaylee rolled over and pushed Simon back into the mattress, they heard a long, pained wail, followed by several strings of Chinese curses that made even Kaylee wince. They pushed themselves out of bed, a bit unsteadily thanks to the alcohol still left in their systems, and glanced around the room.

"Uh, Kaylee?"

Kaylee looked around the nearly empty room, thinking the same thing he was just about to ask. "Yeah, Simon."

"Where are our clothes?"

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Inara and Mal were doubled over in the hallway, laughing like they had never laughed before as Jayne sat in the middle of a mess of overturned mugs. Plastic dinosaur bodies littered the floor around them and he was covered in stale alcohol.

He held a poor, defenseless Stegosaurus by its neck, ready to strangle the plastic out of it for scaring him senseless when he'd woken up. Seeing a floating, disembodied dino head floating in a mug of perfectly drinkable liquor was not the best way to start the day.

It took him several moments to orient himself with his location, and his disgusting condition, before he stared over at the hysterical laughter coming from the passenger dorm hallway.

River stood behind them, smiling contentedly. "Told you." She glanced back over her shoulder toward Simon's closed door. "All awake now. Have to go." She vaulted around the doorway just as Simon poked his head out, the bed sheet wrapped firmly around his waist.

Inara was the first to notice him and she covered her mouth to stifle additional laughter that threatened to spill out of it.

"Where is my sister?" he demanded, trying to look every bit the angry, pissed off brother.

But Inara just laughed as she stared at him, hair all disheveled, looking every bit unlike the proper, distinguished doctor they had all come to be used to seeing in the morning.

Mal was torn between looking at Jayne, still fumbling with the offending dinosaurs, and staring at Simon, very clearly trying to look pissed off at his lack of available clothing.

When Simon repeated his question, Kaylee popped her head out and asked, so cheerfully even Simon groaned in disgust, "was that Jayne?"

Inara giggled and arched her neck toward the common room. "River did some very – evil things to him last night."

"He isn't the only one," Simon hissed and he tried to catch Kaylee as she slipped past him, wrapped only in the blanket from their bed.

She stopped beside Inara as the two turned and giggled at Jayne. Simon ignored Mal's stare as he stepped tentatively out of the room, self conscious that not only would they all undoubtedly know his relationship with Kaylee had changed, they all now had proof due to their state of undress.

Kaylee and Inara backed up as Jayne stumbled toward them, a menacing look on his face. Mal instinctively moved in front of Inara while Kaylee hurried back to Simon's side, or rather, nearly behind him.

Jayne stalked to Simon, still dripping from the booze that had spilled all over him when he'd woken up.

Simon wrinkled his nose at the scent emanating from the bigger man and took a step back.

Fortunately, Simon's state of undress registered in Jayne's cloudy mind before he actually reached out to strangle the assumed culprit of this very unwise prank. "What happened to you?"

"Same thing as happened to you, I would assume." Simon's disgust was apparent which made Inara and even Mal struggle to control their laughter.

"That _fa kuang nu hai_. I'm going to have me a –"

"Don't even finish that sentence." Simon's eyes narrowed. "She _is_ still my sister."

"That _boo tai jung tzhang duh_ excuse for a girl is going to pay for this," Jayne spluttered and stalked off toward the galley.

"Clean yourself up before you set one foot on my bridge!" Mal called, hoping Jayne actually listened. He turned to Simon and Kaylee. "I don't suppose ordering you two to get into the shower would be particularly beneficial seeing as you ain't got no clothes."

Kaylee's eyes brightened and she took Simon's hand. "We can go do that, Cap'n. Much more fun than searchin' for 'em."

"No, I have a _xiao gui_ of a sister to strangle this morning, if you'll excuse me." Simon stalked off after Jayne, desperately holding the sheet around his waist.

Kaylee pouted prettily when he released her hand. But as Inara glided to her side, she watched with increasing amusement as Kaylee's pout disappeared and her eyes settled on Simon's departing backside.

"Good to see another one of my rules bein' broken." Mal crossed his arms and stared at Kaylee until she turned around.

"Been breakin' that rule for weeks, Cap'n."

"So I understand." He took a few steps toward her and looked down, trying his best to be angry at the very clearly happy look in her eyes. "He hurts you –"

"You'll toss him out the airlock, yes, Cap'n we know." Kaylee's eyes danced as she stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek. "Now let's go. I wanna see what Simon tries to do to River for stealin' our clothes."

"On your way to the bridge, stop in your bunk and get dressed!" Mal called after her, but she was already gone.

Inara took off after Kaylee and Mal simply shook his head. "Where're you goin'?"

Inara turned incredulous look on him. "As if I would be anywhere else? I'm going to see what Simon does to River."

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By the time Inara and Mal made it to the bridge, they found it curiously silent. Except for Simon sitting in the co-pilot's chair waiting for his sister to come out of hiding. Simon glanced over at them and shrugged. "She has to come out sometime."

"So you're gonna sit here naked until she does?"

"He's wearing a sheet, Mal." Inara stifled a giggle which only made Simon even more self-conscious.

"How – observant of you," Simon said quietly, turning to stare out into the blackness of space to hide the flush that he felt creeping up his neck.

"That's what she's paid for," Mal chuckled.

Kaylee climbed up the stairs and slipped passed the two, settling her clothed self into Simon's lap and kissing him gently.

"That's – not fair." Simon stared down at her, frowning.

"That she's got clothes an you don't?" Mal laughed again, taking great amusement at Simon's discomfort.

"Yes."

Kaylee licked her lips and pushed a hand through his hair, disheveling it further. "You look better without them."

"Not on my bridge, or anywhere other than his bunk, he don't!" Mal said quickly, hoping to discourage any thought of the two of them defiling his ship.

Kaylee's eyes twinkled as she raked her eyes down Simon's torso. It was taking a great deal of effort not to run her hands – or her tongue – down that magnificent chest. "Oh, Cap'n you're embarrassin' him."

"I didn't fail to lock my door last night. Deserve what ya got."

"You may be needing a new pilot once I get my hands on her." Simon glowered.

Mal laughed. "You catch her and I'll give you a whole day alone on _Serenity_ to do what you want."

"River's liable to give herself over without a fight just to get you to do that, Mal," Inara observed with a chuckle.

Kaylee pondered that but instead snuggled against Simon. "I don't want to share those hands, sweetie, they're –"

"Don't finish that thought, lil' Kaylee," Mal warned with a look while Inara stifled a giggle.

"What's going – oh –" Zoe stared at the nearly naked Simon and the energetic Kaylee sitting in his lap, and swallowed the grin threatening to break out across her face. "Have a rough night?"

Kaylee opened her mouth but Mal raised a warning finger. "No details please."

"Rough morning, is more like it," Simon answered, giving up on trying to make himself invisible.

Zoe glanced around the room and noticed only two crew members missing. "I assume Jayne is passed out somewhere judging by the thud I heard a few minutes ago from his bunk."

"Yes, River is to blame."

Everyone turned to see the culprit standing in the entrance to the bridge.

"Where are my clothes xiao gui?" Simon demanded, narrowing his eyes irritably at his sister.

"Hiding."

"They better not be _hiding_ in the _moving_ parts of my ship, lil' albatross." Mal leveled as serious of a look at her as he could manage. When he really just wanted to praise her for the rousing entertainment this morning.

"They weren't _hiding_ last night." Simon moved to get up but Kaylee wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.

"They wanted to." River deadpanned.

Mal let out a loud laugh and Inara covered her mouth as an undignified giggled slipped past her lips.

Simon sighed. "Mei mei."

"Treat them better." River nodded, sitting herself in the pilot's chair. "They don't want to watch while you and Kaylee –"

"River!" Simon and Mal said simultaneously.

The little psychic smiled at her brother, eyes twinkling. "Can't hide anything from me."

"You're a brat," Simon said, a hint of a smile turning the corner of his mouth. He was embarrassed, but seeing River acting like his normal sister again, deflated his irritation at having his clothes stolen in the middle of the night.

"It's my job."

"And you do it well," Inara agreed with a serious nod of her head.

"Very well," Kaylee agreed, her eyes bright.

Mal turned to River. "Will you give your brother his clothes back so he can remove his nakedness from my bridge?"

"And I am not playing fetch, nor am I going to search all over the ship for them," Simon added, unconsciously tightening his arms around Kaylee's waist.

River looked at her brother and then turned to Mal. "He's not naked."

"Yes, well, I'm seein' more of him than I ever wanted to see, so please, get his clothes."

River marched over to Simon with a wide smile and took his hand. With a playful smirk directed back at the Captain, she curled Simon's fingers around her wrist, sagged her shoulders and in the most defeated, innocent tone she could muster, said, "he got me. You owe them a whole day alone."

Mal's jaw hit the floor while Inara and Zoe doubled over in laughter. Kaylee beamed happily and Simon stared in wonder at his sister before pulling her into his arms and hugging her tightly – a little more challenging with Kaylee still sitting in his lap.

His voice was muffled as he said, "I love you mei mei."

River ruffled his already mussed hair and kissed his cheek. "Love you too, you boob."

"You planned this, xiao gui," Mal grumbled when he finally found his voice.

River shrugged and gave him her most innocent smile. "I am a genius."

The END

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Chinese translations:

Luh suh - garbage

Fa kuang nu hai - crazy girl

Xiao gui- little demon

Boo tai jung tzhang duh - not entirely sane

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Response to reviews:

Jessclifton – This is the last chapter. I did write what happened when drunk Kaylee and Simon reached their bunk in Part 1 but it will only be posted on my site, I think.

The Scribe3 – I don't do comedy well but my beta said she laughed herself into hyserics, so I guess this was ok. Glad you liked it.

EreshkigaGirl – Glad you liked it. Hopefully, part II will be funnier.

Gwenfrewi – River is a genius…has a devious mind. She just needed exercise it a bit at the expense of a few people. Hope you find the Jayne and S/K parts funny. I giggled like mad when writing them.


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